Cheap at Half the Price

By Toni Kief


Cheap at Half the Price

Toni Kief


 ​​ ​​​​ Times have changed, my grandmother earned $2 a week on her first job. ​​ I​​ made​​ $1 an​​ hour​​ and was the highest paid kid in the park district. ​​ Today minimum wage​​ guarantees a daily struggle with little hope of relief.​​ ​​ Last Saturday, I​​ used​​ my debit​​ card​​ for a matinee​​ and paid $5 for a drink. ​​ I cannot​​ help but reminisce about my parents sending​​ all four​​ children​​ to a movie with​​ dollar​​ and 4 dimes for​​ candy. ​​ I just​​ bought a pack of gum on sale for a​​ buck.​​ 


Nevertheless,​​ if​​ it is still a penny for my thoughts,​​ this should be a bargain with inflation.​​ 


  • I hope jeans never go out of style.​​ ​​ 

  • Was Levi Strauss related to Johan Strauss;​​ they were close in age?

  • Would I be smarter if​​ my brain wasn’t​​ full​​ of trivia?

  • Is Facebook an evil parasite that is set on world domination,​​ and​​ am​​ I just​​ a​​ pawn?

  • Working at a​​ bookstore​​ is​​ probably​​ not as amazing as I​​ imagine.

  • Is the Dali Lama a virgin? ​​ If so,​​ is it required in his line of work​​ or​​ is it a personal choice?

  • Why do many religions consider women to be not only​​ weak​​ but also all that is​​ evil​​ when​​ they bring 90% of the casseroles?

  • I love to write, why do I work so hard at avoiding it?

  • Can anyone spell questionnaire​​ right the first time?

  • Do I have days, weeks or years left?​​ I’m going to regret the​​ hours​​ on Facebook​​ (see #4).

  • Are all the radio and electronic waves pulsing​​ around​​ our​​ earth​​ for my​​ entertainment​​ and​​ phone reception,​​ bouncing​​ off​​ me​​ or​​ trucking​​ straight​​ on​​ through?​​ 

  • Where has compassion gone? ​​ Is it out of style, or replaced by judgment and fear?

  • How hungry was the first person​​ who ate​​ an oyster? ​​​​ 

  • When you receive your first AARP​​ letter,​​ you are already overdue on shredding or donating your bikinis and speedos.

  • If reptiles had fur, I would like them better.

  • Do any of my old loves still think about me, in a​​ loving​​ way?

  • Hate takes up so much​​ energy​​ when indifference is the​​ real​​ opposite of love.

  • I’m​​ certain​​ Joan Rivers​​ stuck to a style of comedy too long.

  • I’m in the first generation raised on processed food;​​ all genetic bets are off.

  • While on the subject, why are our food producers trying to kill​​ us? ​​ That is​​ not a​​ sustainable​​ business plan.

  • Even bad decisions​​ often​​ become historically​​ significant​​ and​​ if not it will be​​ funny.

  • We should begin a class action suit against the​​ person​​ who invented traffic circles.​​ 

  • Is there a chemical​​ in​​ the brain that gives talent,​​ or​​ does​​ the​​ gifted just​​ utilize​​ a​​ part​​ I neglected​​ to activate?

  • Inspiration is just the coolest thing​​ ever.

  • If​​ you​​ were​​ a bird, would​​ you​​ fly high or​​ just skitter around,​​ keeping​​ close to the earth?​​ 


You owe me 2 dimes and​​ a nickel;​​ payment​​ may​​ be made​​ with​​ in​​ kind ponderings or a direct deposit into my 401k.​​ 

About The Author

Toni Kief, a child of the 60s, Midwestern by birth, Northwestern by choice, Toni challenges the boundaries for women of a certain age. After a long career as an insurance adjuster, she fell into writing through a challenge from a friend. She has released her first book, Old Baggage, with two others in the grinder. Toni never dated Mick Jagger, but marched for civil rights, shared bread with icons of politics and art. She is spending her retirement, gathering stories prime for embellishment. Writing has taught her inspiration without perspiration is just a good idea.