Spring in the Boonies

By Susan Brown

Spring​​ in the Country…Help!

 

I love the country – the fresh air, the peace, the ineffable sense that the slow turn of seasons​​ will​​ refresh my soul….

 

Except spring. One would think that spring in the country would be the perfect​​ Zen​​ experience​​ (Pinterest does!). Hah! Spring is a Mother Nature with PMS. She’s on a rampage.​​ 

 

Turn around and the weeds are​​ fourteen​​ feet high.​​ While​​ sneezing​​ like​​ some horrific​​ plague has​​ infected​​ me, I try to chop back some volunteer vines snaking up​​ my​​ expensive,​​ carefully nurtured​​ fruit trees. Nature snarls​​ and spikes gouge​​ my​​ skin.​​ Trying not to whimper, I decide on a relaxing ramble through the woods. Lovely, until I​​ sink to​​ my​​ shins in mud.​​ Random twigs adorn my hair.

 

Meanwhile, the birds are on steroids, cackling (strike that) singing and chirping their merry little song from​​ pre-5 a.m.​​ daybreak on.​​ My dogs got too close to a nest yesterday and​​ mommy and daddy bird​​ dive-bombed​​ my​​ head. Who would have thought that even birds would want to protect those bulgy-eyed, squawking fledglings? Not like they seem grateful! Those beaky mouths​​ are​​ always​​ wide open and squalling. Like most babies.​​ 

 

Mother Nature likes her little jokes.​​ 

 

The mosquitoes have all completed advanced kamikaze warfare training and are attacking in squadrons. The dragonflies have been slow to regroup this year and the mosquitoes​​ outnumber them by ten billion to​​ seven.​​ The swallows by day and bats by night are sending in their single​​ guerilla troops, but they’re hopelessly outnumbered.

 

The world is ending and the bugs that want to eat me are winning.

 

When night falls, I huddle in my house, shoulders hunched​​ to​​ my ears, listening for the monstrous whine that precedes​​ the aerial attack of the blood-suckers. Sleep…precious sleep….then​​ eeeeeeeeee. Silence! Where is it? OMG. Spring from the bed, arms​​ flailing. Useless. It’s gone.

 

Eeeeeeeeee….

 

I​​ cower​​ under the sheets, peeping out at the dogs.​​ My loyal companions, sleeping peacefully with only​​ two​​ unfurred noses​​ exposed.​​ Take them!​​ I plead.​​ Please, take them!​​ Betrayal and cowardice have claimed me.

 

Finally, exhaustion wins over​​ primal terror and I drop into a fitful doze. And then…chirp, chirp, chirpy….

 

The sun is shining, the birds are singing, the day begins anew.…

 

I hate the country.


About The Author

I love to write! And I love to write for teens. Since I was a kid, bored with school, I’ve been making up stories. Eventually I became a journalist, got married, had kids, adopted dogs and started writing books in earnest. Three followed, plus two more co-authored with Anne Stephenson.

I’ll be publishing a half dozen new books in the next year or two, some fantasy and some realistic which I hope will appeal to teen readers – I’ve had quite a few kids read them and gotten a thumbs up! Check out my website at www.susanbrownwrites.com